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10 October 2009 @ 12:11 pm
we can hear the first beat to the flatline  
Title: we can hear the first beat to the flatline
Author: Phelipa
Pairing: Charlotte/Juliet
Rating: R
Warnings: Suicide
Written for lostpicksix  prompt: Femslash
A/N: This is not the original Charlotte/Juliet story I set out to write and I may still post the other one, but this one kind of took hold and ran away with me!

She bleeds at night.

She wakes in the dark, coughing and choking, spattering thin drops of blood over the white comforter before she rouses enough to clap a trembling hand over her mouth and nose to catch the misgiving torrent.

“Here.”

She takes the outstretched towel, cupping it under her nose as tears stream over her cheeks – she doesn’t mean to, it’s embarrassing and it just happens. Juliet’s fingers are cool and comforting as the run over her hair, tickling her scalp, drawing her to stretch out across her chest. Her fingers pinch the bridge of Charlotte’s nose, stemming the flow as she clutches the towel to her nose.

When they wake in the morning the towel is gone, the sheets are clean and her head doesn’t ache anymore.

*

Juliet sees Claire in the jungle one morning, while they’re out picking fruit. She drops the mangoes in her hands and runs after her, screaming her name. Charlotte follows, faster than Juliet, and catches her elbow, pulling her to a stop,

“She can’t hear you, Juliet. None of them can.”

They both stand in silence and watch as Daniel trails after Claire. Charlotte’s voice is thick with anger and frustration when she says,

“Don’t think I haven’t tried.”

It doesn’t hurt anymore when she sees the way Charlotte looks at him, she’s been playing second fiddle for so long she doesn’t even remember what it’s like to have someone look at her that way.

She’s drowning in a sea of apathy.

*

They come together in a slick glide of skin against skin, lithe muscles twisting and contracting beneath rough touches. Juliet is quiet while Charlotte moans and urges her on, tugging on her hair and pinching soft skin before she turns to a quivering mess at Juliet’s hands. Charlotte likes the illusion of dominance and Juliet is happy to give it to her, slyly taking the upper hand without her even noticing.

Charlotte’s hands are like coals between her legs, hot and burning. She comes in an instant.

They never bother with foreplay or tender, sweet moments after sex.

*

She sees Boone in the heart of the jungle, sitting on the edge of a cliff, eyeing the teetering plane hovering on the crooked jet of land. Shannon stretches out on the shore, bathing her pale, pale skin in the cool sunlight. When she sees Goodwin leaning up against a shoddy wooden structure she breaks down, crumpling to the ground at his feet and begging for him to see, to just see her.

A hand touches her shoulder and when she turns Charlotte is standing next to her, a frustratingly pitying expression turning her lips and creasing her eyes. Juliet shrugs her hand off her shoulder and grinds away the tears, standing up and determinedly walking in the opposite direction,

“I’m fine.”

*

Where she finds the pills Charlotte doesn’t know, but they count them between the two of them and carefully fill two glasses with water. Juliet toys with them on the table, pushing them around until they leave chalky, white smears on the smooth oak surface. Charlotte simply gathers them up in her palm and waits for Juliet to do the same.

One. Two. Six. Ten. Fifteen.

It takes a moment but Juliet’s vision blurs and she watches Charlotte’s eyes close before she eases back in her own chair, the sound of her breathing petering to nothing as the medications stills her aching diaphragm, quiets her pained lungs.

Please.

*

She wakes.

Charlotte’s coughing and there’s blood in the sheets.

*

 
 
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: One More Night - Stars
 
 
 
tokenblkgirl: Lost: Juliet Burketokenblkgirl on October 10th, 2009 06:21 pm (UTC)
God, this was so beautiful and tragic. Just amazing, I really enjoyed you story. :)
Phelipa: noveltygame fourgirlsphelipa on October 10th, 2009 06:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! Glad to hear that you enjoyed it :D
Mary: L;juliet_i wasn't made for picket fencesbebitched on October 10th, 2009 10:42 pm (UTC)
!!!!!!!!

Holy shit! That was so awesome, such a mind-fuck! Best Lost fic I've read in a while.
Phelipa: claireohleninaphelipa on October 10th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! It makes me so happy that you enjoyed this - I feel so flattered because your fic is absolutely amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you :D
ozmissage: Lost. Juliet Burke Is Cooler Than Youozmissage on October 11th, 2009 01:48 pm (UTC)
Oh man, my heart--you just broke it. This is incredible and achy. *sniffles*

I think the part that really got me was the bit about Juliet not minding being second best because she can't remember ever coming first. It's so true and I hate that my girl can't find one damn person to truly put her first.

Wonderful work.
Phelipa: kateiconminephelipa on October 11th, 2009 05:08 pm (UTC)
Awww, I'm sorry I broke your heart :(
I just watched Something Nice Back Home and realized how broken and second best she really is....it is just so SAD! I just want to hug her :(
Thank you so much!!

(ps. I love your icon - it is so crisp and 'clean'...if that makes sense ;))
ozmissage: Lost. Juliet Burke Is Cooler Than Youozmissage on October 11th, 2009 11:32 pm (UTC)
I love this icon so much. navras_rheya made it and his stuff is always gorgeous. :)
valhalla37: charlotte; tempestvalhalla37 on October 11th, 2009 03:28 pm (UTC)
I completely forgot that you mentioned you were writing this (or Charlotte/Juliet, at least) and what an awesome surprise to see it on my friends' page. Even more so because this is mind-blowingly good. Like, just absolutely incredible and pitch-perfect and I think you've officially made me a Charlotte/Juliet 'shipper. ;D

The ending and the way it melds into the beginning -- the beginning itself, even -- the hollow sense of tragedy and resignation throughout and how Charlotte and Juliet's interactions are so everything at once (world-weary but tender, sexy but still with that element of sadness).

I felt a physical pang reading all of this, especially the moments when you illustrate just how much they've lost and how alone they are -- Charlotte seeing Daniel (*tears*) and Juliet accepting her second-best status, Juliet breaking down in front of Goodwin, the entire scene with the pills ... wow. Just gave me shivers. Fantastic work, all around.
Phelipa: marylou_gr julredshirtphelipa on October 11th, 2009 05:01 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, I did not expect such wonderful feedback on this!! It wasn't the fic I originaly started...this kind of happened in the last few days and the other one is kicking around waiting to be finished ;)

I'm so glad you liked this and that I converted you ;) They are a pretty pairing aren't they? And both kinda hard core. The second best hting was kind of an add on - I watched Something Nice Back Home two days ago and when she's tallking to Kate about Jack not really kissing her...ugh, it just breaks my heart :(

Thank you so much, your feedback is so appreciated - it just made my day :D
S as in smock: bacallgirlinasmock on October 11th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this. I love the tone of resignation-versus-grinding-constant-horror, which is I think the very atmosphere of the island.
Phelipaphelipa on October 12th, 2009 03:13 am (UTC)
Thank you so much :D
S A R A H: lost - charlottetheagonyofblank on October 12th, 2009 07:32 am (UTC)
Oh my god; this was wonderful and so heartbreaking. I listened to Maria Taylor's "Time Lapse Lifeline" while reading this, and it just made it all the better. Juliet's not minding being second best because she can't remember ever being first was so sad because it was so true. I really, really loved this.
Phelipa: julietxrayphelipa on October 12th, 2009 01:12 pm (UTC)
Time Lapse Lifeline is an AWESOME song :D
I don't know if Juliet's been anything other than second best in her life and it's terribly sad...they need to give her a little bit of happiness!!
Thank you so much for the lovey comment!
missy_useless: julietmissy_useless on October 12th, 2009 10:01 am (UTC)
This is beautiful and heartbreaking. I haven't read much fic with this pairing (because there isn't much Charlotte/Juliet, not because I don't like it), and I absolutely love this.

It doesn’t hurt anymore when she sees the way Charlotte looks at him, she’s been playing second fiddle for so long she doesn’t even remember what it’s like to have someone look at her that way.

She’s drowning in a sea of apathy.


I think especially this part broke my heart. Oh, Julie. ;( And the scene with the pills, and how the ending turns into the beginning and ... everything is so awesome. Wonderful job.
Phelipa: marylou_gr julredshirtphelipa on October 12th, 2009 01:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I did do a quick search for Charlotte/Juliet after I realized I kind of loved this pairing and came up with nothing! Valhalla37 just wrote an awesome 'drabble' for the 108 challenge group and it's so good!! Hopefully there'll be more.

My heart just breaks for Juliet, she is so alone :( Thank you so much - I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it!